Hopeless Romantic

"The next girl will be the one."- The true hallmark of a hopeless romantic

Thin line

There is a thin line between between confidence and arrogance.
A thin line between crazy and genius.
A thin line between believing in your ideas and being stubborn.
A thin line between love and obsession.
A thin line between a discussion and an argument.

A lot of the times you believe you are on one side when actually on the other. A lot of times people will tell you, you are on the wrong side when you are on the right. I think you just believe that you are on the right side and work towards what you want. There may be times when you may want to check whether you are on the right path but continuous examination only leads to analysis paralysis.
Seth Godin gave 400 free seminars before he was actually paid for one. He says the rest stopped at 30-40. What do you call this?

"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

Night

There are some conversations that can only be had at night. The night with its coat of darkness gives you the feeling of protection from prying eyes. The night is a romantic, whereas the day with the harsh light as his companion is the realist. At night more things seem possible, which in the day seem a fool's errand. At night you can dare to dream, the day you are forced to deal with reality and the mundaneness of your life.
But the night is also cold and lonely and cruel. And sometimes it just sneaks up upon you and leaves you utterly helpless with not even the morphine of sleep to numb the pain.

Vertigo

The higher you shoot for, the more seems the downside. Its scary and it never gets easier, because of the expectations that might surround you and with each success , the vertigo increases. But if you dont punch above your weight grade, you will remain in the same weight grade. Maybe you will fall, so what. The world has not ended, yet.
It ends when you dont shoot for the sky.

Everyday

Everyday i think of you. Most of the times i feel sorry for all the things that i did, all the times i was selfish i was self-centered and a total ass. I wonder what could have happened had i not done those things.Some other times, i think of you and remember the times we spent together and i smile , which in a little while turns into an overwhelming sadness that i can never be with you. I try to numb this pain in every way possible but it always returns and i am rendered helpless.
I know that i never deserved you, but i also know that in a life mired in debauchery ,impurity and the pursuit of easy pleasure, my feelings for you are my rare moments of purity. I wonder if its a good thing that you happened or not. On the one hand I have never felt as lost as without you now. I have never felt so dejected and disappointed i myself. I have never doubted myself as i do after you left.On the other hand the time spent with you is the only time i have been truly happy and i know that you happening is a once in a lifetime thing, something which i will always remember and cherish, long after my mourning is over.
And everyday i wish for a miracle, that you will come back and people who hope fervently for miracles to happen live painfully melancholic lives.

Photo by red twolips

How to not get over a girl in 500 days

I recently watched this movie, 500 days of summer and well loved it. The story line is simple. Boy meets girl.Boy falls in love.Girl doesnt. What follows after this is not pretty. So as a service to mankind(literally)I thought i will just list all the things that you should not do while trying to get over someone.

1. I can get her back
"Yes, i can get her back. She was in love with me once and she can fall in love again with me. After all we shared something special. I look back and cant imagine what went so wrong that its not fixable. " This is a rookie mistake.If she has to come back, she will. But in most cases she wont, so stop fixating on this.If she says its over it is. And about not figuring out what went so horribly wrong as the sister in 500 days of summer says "Look back."

2. We can still be friends
"We were such good friends. Maybe we can be friends.And you think in brackets(Who knows what might happen)." Again bull crap.Until you stop thinking who knows what might happen you can never be friends. Break off contact for a little while.Enjoy the other things in life. enjoy the company of your friends and that book you always wanted to read.And maybe then when you are really over her you can be friends.

3. She's not her
"She's pretty , smart and intelligent and all but she's not her."This is a possible stage 3. Yes she's not. She's a different person. Also remember inspite of her being "her" it did not quite work out for you, right.

4. Throwing yourself at everyone
"if only i find someone else i will be happy, so i will work overtime to get a girlfriend". This is another possible stage 3 and no you wont.You would probably get rejected and which will lead to depression and for some weird reason you will end up calling your ex late at night further alienating her.

5.I can get her back -2
Yes this stage can come back and bite you in the ass. After both possible stages 3 (or they may happen after each other) you think its some big cosmic conspiracy for the two of you to be together. Its not. The universe doesnt care about you. Know that.

6. Is she seeing that guy?
"Why are there so many comments/likes from my girl on this guy's facebook page? Why doesnt she pick up the phone? Is she seeing that guy?" So you are cyberstalking your ex and notice irrefutable evidence that she's definitely interested in some guy. Well, probably she isor in most cases she's not. Step 1 :Stop tapping her facebook feeds. Step 2: Get a life.

7. Is she still single
"Is she still single? Yeah why? Probably she's still not over me." Sorry mate. aint so. Probably you were such a huge car crash that she's still recuperating.

8. What went wrong?
While a post-mortem is good after every stage of your project, its not so good if you do it after a breakup and specially if you ask her, what went wrong. Dont open the pandora's box. Such bile may come out that you may not be able to take it.You will probably need a stiff drink just to get sober again.

9. Blogged: How wonderful was she?
If you are a amateur blogger, you will probably write a couple of blogs romanticizing your relationship, in the hope that she might some day come across it and realize how much you truly loved her and welcome you back in her arms. Not gonna happen. There was a poet called ghanananda in the 15th century. He was in love with a courtesan named sujan who betrayed him in a way.After that every poem he wrote he mentioned her in it. I doubt he was ever able to get over her. Get the drift!!

10. I can get her back -3
So you come across old chats with her on gmail. The good chats. Then you start reminsicing and that old bugger comes back. No mate, not possible.Its been 500 days and you have been relegated to the history books. Move on dude!!

I am sure there are a lot of other things you can do- watch lots of boy meet girl movies,bring her up in every conversation you have with a totally uninterested friend, keep all the stuff she gave you and look at it whenever you are sad,Call her up every time you get drunk. And this will definitely guarantee you dont get over her. But then when you find yourself writing a blogpost at 4:30 in the morning one and half years later; dont blame me.

You have been warned!!

Forgetting eklavya (a story)

Pratistha woke up and looked at her watch. After a moment she looked at the watch again to notice the date. It was eklavya's birthday. She sighed. Eklavya was her past, a past which she had left behind. That's what she told herself. She shrugged off her lethargy, had a bath and put on her clothes.

While she was walking to her office , a guy whistled. This was exactly the kind of thing that would drive eklavya crazy, driven him into a tirade of expletives and a morning of bad mood. She also smiled to herself about her clothes, eklavya would have never let her wear this. Although he put on a "woodstock"-ish spirit, eklavya was very conservative.

She had tried to keep eklavya in her life, but he was stubborn and overly possessive. And he was a grim reminder of the choices she had made, which included him. Those choices which had changed her, the choices which had driven her to a spiral of self loathing. It was very difficult to see him without recalling the tears that she had shed at nights when sleep eluded her and crushed dreams filled her conscious state.It was impossible to see in him a reflection of what she had almost become.

A whiff of smoke hit her.It nauseated her with the memories of eklavya smoking in her room and going on and on about something. She hated cigarettes- another reminder of him and his screwed up view of the world and love. She had told him once "the closest you have ever come to loving something is a cigarette". He had smiled and told her , he feared that was true.

The day was boring and she wasnt able to concentrate, she felt irritated and angry. She went home and ate her dinner in silence. She opened her laptop and started listening to songs. A ghazal started playing - "aaj jaane ki zid na karo". It brought back another memory of eklavya.

It was late and she wanted to go home, but eklavya had insisted she stay. Having work to do she had wanted to leave, when eklavya quietly went and put this song on his room-mate's computer. She smiled and whispered to herself - "Happy birthday , eklavya". Then she shed a tear.

Photo by zara